Ballade

[BitterHermit]

I took liberties with the form, but below is a rough draft of a ballade in which the rhyme scheme is altered to a-b-a-c-d-c-d-B for the octets and a-b-a-B for the envoi. Comments are encouraged


The Devil Beside Me
Like any knight before me, I rode out
single-minded, hellbent to slay, victor
over my own fear and knowing without
vengeance this world was not my home. Glory
was a golden helm, justice a keen blade,
and only Hell between me and victory;
cavalier, gallows-humored, and self-made?
rode my steed, Devil beside me, to war!
</o>
Steel on steel became our world, only stout
men of iron will survive such rigor;
even luck suffices nothing without
a strong arm, a good sword, a mind gory
enough to remain ruthless and unswayed
by mercy, one to believe no story
of vengeance over ravaged brides, staid,
untold by steel, the Devil, me, and war!
</o>
I drench my lance in blood, sword in flesh, shout
abuse to womanish foes, watch rictor
set their grins in devilish guise, dismount
to duel with sword my steed to save. <I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Worry</o>[/I]
<I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">not, dear love, return I shall to be laid</o>[/I]
<I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">at rest beside my bride, whose history,[/I]<I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">
<I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">whose injury, whose honor hones my blade,</o>[/I]</o>[/I]
<I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">drives my steel, Devil inside me, to war[/I].
</o>
Prince, your doom by your own hand brought about,
my curse follow you unto Hell! I soar
on Furies? wings to lay you low and out,
slide my steel, Devil, to slay you and war!
</o>
David M Pitchford
12 November 2008




Poetry Blog: www.fringemonkey.org
"The schizophrenic is drowning in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight." --Joseph Campbell
Copyeditor and Writing Coach for hire (PM me)
Poetry Collection Co-authored with Sio --
After the Vows: Poems Between Lovers
"We read, frequently if unknowingly, in quest of a mind more original than our own." -- Harold Bloom

[RHFay]

The rhyme sequence was a little hard to follow at first. It seemed peculiar to my eyes, but that's just me. Ordinary ballades seem a bit strange to me.


I have to ask, what's "rictor"? That one has me stumped.


Otherwise, I think this is a marvelous piece, but then I am a bit biased. You stir up knightly imagery, and you've got me hooked! At the same time it glorifies and condemn war, through the knight's maddened thoughts.


I envision that Durer piece you use as an avatar as I read this.


"I'm going to do what the warriors of old did. I'm going to recite poetry!"

Richard H. Fay - Azure Lion Productions

See all the cool stuff featuring my artwork at the Abandoned Towers Zazzle Store!

[BitterHermit]

I tend to Anglosize Latinate words ocassionally: rictor=rictus; by sound, it should bring association with rigor, thus rigor mortis, thus the death grin . . . evidently it doesn't work as I intended . . .
It was written specifically toward that Durer piece. I tried to post it on my blog yesterday, but the stupid thing kept going haywire on me. I'll go over now and post the Durer pic so you can see the full illustration. It is incredibly detailed work!

here's the link: http://bitterhermit.wordpress.com/20...orizing-durer/




Poetry Blog: www.fringemonkey.org
"The schizophrenic is drowning in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight." --Joseph Campbell
Copyeditor and Writing Coach for hire (PM me)
Poetry Collection Co-authored with Sio --
After the Vows: Poems Between Lovers
"We read, frequently if unknowingly, in quest of a mind more original than our own." -- Harold Bloom

[Swashbuckler]

I can't keep up with the changing, morphing usernames, so I'm just gonna go with 'David.' I hope you'll forgive me that, though, when I say I really like this piece. It drips with imagery and humanity. It flows really well when read aloud.

I'm not poet enough to know a lot about forms, so I don't know if potential publishers would bust you on changing the rhyme scheme or not. I'm no stickler for such things, though. I like the rhyme scheme of this. it holds together nicely.

I did not stumble over 'rictor,' and I can see why you used it instead of 'rigor,' which you'd already used previously. The 'set devilish grins' suffices to define your neo-logism, in my opinion. But if you are unsatisfied with 'rictor,' or it becomes a hurdle for editors, you might try using the word 'vigor' in the previous stanza and thus freeing up 'rigor' for your devilish grins. Something like this, maybe:

Steel on steel became our world, only stout
men of iron will survive through vigor

... or something better than that but along those lines.

But honestly, if I were a poetry editor I could live with rictor. Poets should be free to invent words when they need to!

Thanks for the good read.

Steve Goble

Visit my blog, Swords Against Boredom, for news on published fiction and upcoming stories.

My short story, 'The Gods-Forsaken World,' published in GrendelSong No. 2 and reprinted in Flashing Swords ezine, received an honorable mention in the ?Year?s Best Fantasy and Horror 2008? edited by Ellen Datlow, Kelly Link and Gavin J. Grant.

[BitterHermit]

Thanks, Steve. I kind of doubt many poetry editors are seeing ballades come across their desk these days. It's a form that really went out of style about the time of Rostand and Cyrano . . . though, really, I think it died a death of natural selection. That envoi at the end was customarily addressed to a prince. With the new politics of liberty and all that, there were'nt many princes around to address, I guess.
The English sonnet does basically the same thing to the sonnet that I did with the Ballade - they added another rhyme. It is pretty much a necessity due to the difference in languages. English - and American English - have far fewer natural rhymes than you'll find in the Romance languages - especially Latin and French. Which is ironic to the degree to which we formed our language of Anglo+Latin+OldFrench and a few others.
Anyway, thanks for the compliment. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.
Oh . . . my new username is a mauling of Welsh meaning something like The Great Lunatic, just so's you know. And I still answer to David, so that's fine, too.

Poetry Collection Co-authored with Sio --
After the Vows: Poems Between Lovers
Poetry Blog: www.fringemonkey.org
Copyeditor and Writing Coach for hire (PM me)
"We read, frequently if unknowingly, in quest of a mind more original than our own." -- Harold Bloom
"The schizophrenic is drowning in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight." --Joseph Campbell