The Monsters in My Life

[RHFay]

The Monsters in My Life

by Richard H. Fay

Fell beasts
haunt dreamless nights
filled with curses and pain,
coming not from Hell, but from a
bottle.

***

Any further questionsabout my own personal views regarding the pain and anguish alcoholism can cause eventhe innocent to suffer? 'Nuff said.









"I'm going to do what the warriors of old did. I'm going to recite poetry!"

Richard H. Fay - Azure Lion Productions
See all the cool stuff featuring my artwork at the Abandoned Towers Zazzle Store!
View my Azure Lion Productions Blog.

[BitterHermit]

Terribly sorry to bring those ghosts around to haunt you, buddy.

Poetry Collection Co-authored with Sio --
After the Vows: Poems Between Lovers
Poetry Blog: www.fringemonkey.org
Copyeditor and Writing Coach for hire (PM me)
"We read, frequently if unknowingly, in quest of a mind more original than our own." -- Harold Bloom
"The schizophrenic is drowning in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight." --Joseph Campbell

[RHFay]

They're always there regardless. Talking about them is definitely better than keeping them bottled up inside. And composing poetry about the subject really helps me deal with those bitter emotions.

One thing that I've finally realized, something I could never see while I was immersed in the situation - I wasn't the one with the major problems, they were. It took me quite a while to understand that it wasn't my fault. I wasn't to blame.

"I'm going to do what the warriors of old did. I'm going to recite poetry!"

Richard H. Fay - Azure Lion Productions
See all the cool stuff featuring my artwork at the Abandoned Towers Zazzle Store!
View my Azure Lion Productions Blog.

[BitterHermit]

I found that the healthiest tactic for me is to dispense with blame altogether. I endeavor - and sometimes it's a whale of a struggle - to deal with responsibility. Responsibility is kind of a binary; either someone was responsible or irresponsible. Sure, there are degrees. But someone pointed out to me some years back that judgement is the end of the issue - which I intuitively knew and acted on even as a child. Once someone judges you a certain way, you have to consciously decide to act how you want or you end up unconsciously proving them right somehow. It's a fascinating fact of human nature - one I fight to the teeth more days than not.
Also, I am a big advocate of forgiveness (and forgetfulness to some degree). Forgiveness has nothing to do with anyone but the person doing the forgiving. Really forgiving someone dumps the emotional baggage. I've written many a story and poem with this theme, though it's nearly invisible a lot of times. And forgiveness is a commitment just like friendship or marriage - you have to continuously work at it to some degree or it turns bad or comes back around to bite you when and where you least expect it.
On the other hand, any time we're offended or feel abused by anything in this world, we are biologically hardwired to hold a core-deep bias agaisnt that thing in any situation close enough to recall the abuse to our nervous systems. You can decide to forgive and forget, and you can intellectually manage to do that. I know from experience. But your body has a memory of its own, and it takes a heck of a lot of software patches (cka 'therapy') to counteract the hardwired defenses and their biases. That's the whole problem with PTSD, really - it seems the medical community wants to come at it from either the psych approach or the chemical approach, and both are really necessary. So is time and safety and distance from whatever caused the PTSD.
I'm diving off my soapbox now to go dig into my NaNoWriMo therapy, a zany little romp of which Hunter S. Thompson would be . . . either offended or amused.

Poetry Collection Co-authored with Sio --
After the Vows: Poems Between Lovers
Poetry Blog: www.fringemonkey.org
Copyeditor and Writing Coach for hire (PM me)
"We read, frequently if unknowingly, in quest of a mind more original than our own." -- Harold Bloom
"The schizophrenic is drowning in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight." --Joseph Campbell