Writing exercise - getting over the narration addiction

[crystalwizard]

Don't tell, show.

What that means too often is "don't narrate that!"

How do you get over narrating something? Here's an exercise that'll help.

Materials needed: pen or pencil. Notepad. transportation of some sort

1. go somewhere that there are a lot of people doing stuff. Active stuff. A food court at a mall is an ideal location. A library is not. People in a food court will be doing a lot of different things, people in a library will be staring at books.

2. find a location where you can sit and survey a large area full of other people. Preferably without them noticing you staring at them.

3. People watch. Every time someone does something write it down. Then read what you wrote. Chances are you narrated, so revise to get rid of the narration.

Here's an example. Assume you did go to the food court. You're watching a man who just sat down at a table. He's got a tray full of food. He sticks his fork into something, sticks it in his mouth, then grabs his glass of some drink and gulps. Picking up your pencil you write
"The man put a forkful of potato into his mouth. The hot potato burnt the top of his mouth and tongue, so he grabbed the glass of water and swallowed quickly."

You've narrated what he did, so now you revise. Think about what his expression looked like and his specific actions. write that, perhaps like this:
"the man put a forkful of potato into his mouth. He winced, his eyes first squeezed tightly, then open wide as he fumbled for his glass. Grabbing the glass he ..."

Try to make the goal to use as little narration as possible, and to use interesting, dynamic phrasing and words that paint the same picture to someone reading what you wrote as what you are watching the people do.

[ghostposts]

Nice. Good idea.