Who's seen the new Conan movie and what was it like?

[Jaqhama]

I haven't seen the new Conan movie yet, waiting for it to slink quietly onto the DVD shelves at my local vid hire shop.

I gather most REH fanboys didn't like it, no surprise there. If Howard didn't do it then it must be crap. Though they're often right.

But I get the feeling from a lot of movie reviews that fans of the long running Marvel comic series didn't much like it either.
That apart from the name of the lead character and a lot of people traipsing around with swords the movie had little to do with Conan at all.

So...anyone here at SFR watched it?
And what did you think?

[John M. Whalen]

I can hear the crickets.

[Frank]

Even within the simple story these filmmakers built I saw at least a few opportunities to make the plot more interesting that remained largely unexploited. Most of the ideas and characters felt underdeveloped, and some intrigues and elements were removed from the equation by default before any meaningful payoff could be wrought from them.

As is so often the case the flaw was more in the writing than the execution. While I appreciate how the filmmakers went straight for an adult audience, recognizing the need to accept an R rating in order to achieve something more in the spirit of Howard’s original writings, one wonders why they went to the trouble of inventing their own plot when so many good ones were readily available. Why not simply choose one of Howard’s novella or novelette length stories and adapt it, rather than wandering willy-nilly through Howard’s world retreading ground already covered in the Milius’ version thrity years ago. There are plenty of new places this movie could’ve gone but didn’t.

I’d like to think they wanted to redo the origin of the character their own way so they could move on to new territory in future installments, but that may be a bit too wishful on my part.

When it comes to issues of pacing I’m usually of the opinion that movies suffer from being too long for their own good. In this case I would’ve added half an hour to the running time, and not only for decorative purposes like lingering on some of the many gorgeous establishing shots, but to take some story ideas further, let the plot breathe a little and add some dimension to the characters and their relationhips. The whole thing felt rushed for no reason.

Jason Momoa plays a far less annoying Conan than Schwartzeneggar but that’s obviously not saying much.

In the end this film contains just enough promise to make me believe there may be a future in this franchise. Hopefully it makes sufficient money to merit a sequel, perhaps with a better script next time.

[Dave]

The first 15 minutes were good, as was the battle with the sand people. Other than that... not so much.

[Jaqhama]

Ah well, about what I expected.

[Jaqhama]

This fan made Conan trailer is probably better than the actual movie.
Using the classic music from the first film.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVCrN...eature=related

[The Griot]

I guess I'll check out the DVD. I see they're make a Scorpion King 3. I can't believe anybody sat through Scorpion King 2.

[Jaqhama]

We'll be saying that about Scorpion King 3 when 5 is released.

[John M. Whalen]

Saw it last night. As Groucho Marx once said about "Samson and Delilah" "I can't watch a movie where the leading man's breasts are bigger than the leading lady's." As many reviewers have pointed out the first 20 minutes are the best. The kid who plays the young Conan was pretty good---a thoroughly psychotic kid chopping everything up with his father's sword. If only Jasaon Mamary I mean Momoa had half the acting talent that the kid had it might have been an okay movie, although I doubt it. The script was from hunger. Also the 3D photography was distracting in 2D. The effect of swords and blood spurting out at the camera is totally lost in 2D. The pacing of the film is pretty bad as well. The nonstop battle scenes become mind numbing after about an hour. The ending totally baffled me. To provide symmetry to the script I suppose the writers came up with the idea of having the adult Conan face the same situation he did at the beginning as a kid. I won't go into detail but why Conan found it so hard to pull the very lightweight leading lady up onto a bridge by a chain he is gripping with one hand was inexplicable to me. Arnold could have done it without breaking up a sweat. This turkey is unredeemable and a sequel is not only unnecessary but would be painful to have to sit through. Six Martian Thark Thumbs down.

[Jaqhama]

Doesn't come out on DVd here until Dec 15th.

On tue's all vids at the hire shop are 2 bucks overnight
Seems a good option for this movie.

Are you sure Tharks have 6 thumbs? I mean they've only got four arms haven't they?
Maybe that's a bit of Thark lore I've forgotten.

[John M. Whalen]

Those are actually opposable thumbs on the Tharks' feet. A strange feature of Martian anatomy. Don't you remember the scene where Tars Tarkas was picking his nose with his big toe? Which reminds me of one bit that was in particularly bad taste in the Conan flick.Yuk!

No, no, you are right, sir. I stand corrected. Only four thumbs.

[Jaqhama]

Linda and I just watched the Conan movie.
On the plus side I reckon Jason Momoa was a much better Conan than the Arnold version.
In fact Jason bore a close resemblance to the way he was depicted by the first Conan artist for Marvel, Barry Windsor Smith. I've always thought that BWS's Conan was the best ever drawn, and I've read that this opinion is shared by the majority of Marvel Conan fans.
His adaptation of Red Nails was a superb pictorial rendition of REH's original tale.

Okay, so I liked Jason as Conan. That's where any and all praise comes to a screaming halt.
Everything else about this new Conan movie was so far removed from REH's stories that one wonders why they even bothered keeping the name Conan at all.

Time and time again Conan fans have clamoured for an adaptation of an original Howard tale...and all we get is this unrelated crap.

I'm sure the producers and directors and screenwriters must never have read a REH Conan tale or even a Marvel Conan comic. For years Marvel writers and artists continued on where REH left off. The Marvel crew created some great Conan stories.

What happened to Crom and Mitra as a cursed exclamation or a war cry? You can't have a Conan story without Crom, that's just wrong.
And in fact at one point the lead bad guy actually says that the Cimmerians don't worship any Gods, correct me if I'm wrong on this point.

To be honest we never noticed it had been made as a 3D movie. The fighting just seemed to blur together into one unmanageable mess.
We noticed that in several scenes the continuity was badly off, like they cut the movie scene in the wrong place.

Young Conan came across as a bloodthirsty maniac who even seemed prepared to slice and dice his father at one point.
The depiction (pun) of the Picts was laughable...they must have been left over extras from Last of the Mohicans, still wandering around looking for a movie to take part in.

Yes; all in all it was a pathetic disaster.

Only worth the $2 bucks we hired it for because we really enjoyed making fun of it.

On the other hand Mr Popper's Penguins...

[John M. Whalen]

Am I wrong but hasn't this script been filmed at least three different times now with different barbarian characters? The plot of Conan the Barbarian is very similar to the plots of Kull the Conquereror, and the Scorpion King. It's like Hollywood plans to make a S&S movie and somebody in the front office says, "Hey, get that barbarian script out again. This time besides the beautiful but untouchable priestess/princess, put a little more action in it and make the kid in the first part kind of crazy." or "Let's redo that Kull flick but this time leave out the stuff about a freezing breath and make the priestess good instead of evil." or "Okay, let's do the whole thing like we did last time but put the Rock in it." You're right, Jaq. With so much R E Howard material available for adaptation, why must they come up with these miserable scripts turned out by hacks?

[Jaqhama]

Tis now the next morning and I'm sitting out on our balcony overlooking our bushland garden, Elric, our white Muscovy duck is sauntering around, Bee Bee our half wild Noisy Miner bird is perched on my shoulder, and our 3 legged Blue Tongued lizard is still asleep on his blanket...and Linda is here too, someone has to boil the kettle after all...and I'm thinking of how bad Conan the Unbearable was, when I'm struck by a thought concerning certain similarities and John's observation that the Hollywood scriptwriters keep dragging out the same old screenplay.
And by Crom, John's hit the nail on the head!

Consider this: Lee Horlsey, The Sword and the Sorcerer. IMHO th best Conan movie so far, even though the character wasn't called Conan but Talon.

In the SatS Talon had a black buddy who was a pirate.
As did Conan in this latest movie.

Talon had to infiltrate a castle to rescue the girl.
Conan had to infiltrate a castle to rescue the girl.

Talon had a tri-bladed sword.
Conan's arch enemy had a double bladed sword.

Talon fought his final battle in an underground cavern with a giant snake present.
Conan fights his final battle in an underground cavern area, after having just fought a giant octopus.

Talon's parents were killed at the beginning of the movie by the evil sorcerer/warrior
Conan's parents are killed at the beginning of the Unbearable movie.

In fact there's so many similar scenes between the two movies that it must be more than a coincidence.

I think the screenwriters watched the SatS and scribbled notes as the movie progressed, then made a few changes but left the basic premise intact and tah dah...Conan the Unbearable is born.

The Sword and the Sorcerer was still a much better movie though. Sure the hero was named Talon instead of Conan, but it was still the best Conan movie to date.

I swear I'm not going to watch another movie that has an 'origin' scene written into it, where no origin scene was needed in the book(s).

The animated version of Red Nails never got finished apparently. But here's a You Tube link to some of the scenes. I think most of us would have enjoyed it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86cIMDSmoSI

Oh well, back to the books and the comics.

Back isues of Marvel's Conan are available on Amazon.

[John M. Whalen]

I knew there was another one out there. I'm sure there are others.

I've got his image in my head now of you sitting with the Miner bird on your shoulder, like Johnny Weissmuller as Jungle Jim with his pet Minah bird. Jungle Jaq.

Speaking of Jungle Jim and Weissmuller, Turner Classic Movies, the greatest cable channel on earth, which shows movies continually with no commercials or cuts, is currently airing the Bomba the Jungle Boy movies with Johnny Sheffield, who played Boy in the Tarzan flicks. Haven't seen these anywhere since I was a kid sitting in a movie house on Saturday afternoons in Philadelphia. They don't hold up when viewed today, but they sure bring back memories.

[Jaqhama]

We've spent most of this year rescuing birds, but now we've added reptiles to the list.
They just seem attracted to me.
We're going to paint our letter box black and white and write Daktari on it.

[Melkor]

I havent seen Conan yet but I have been told the Solomon Kane film took the cake when it comes to good REH films (even if it deviated a bit). Most people tell me the new Conan doesnt live up to the hype.

[Dave]

I haven't seen the solomn kane film, but I've heard mixed reactions on it. Kull sucked, I thought the first Conan passable, if not actualyl good. At least is used a few actual scenes from REH. And I've already espoused my opinion on the latest, although up reflection I agree with Jaq about momoa looking like an early comic conan. I always like Buscema's hulking, musclebound version of Conan the best though.